Hello! Seiiti Arata. The body speaks … and so there is body language. Our facial expressions reveal our intentions. The way we walk and move our bodies reveals a lot about our identity. All of this is body language and because of that there is an increasing amount of studies on how to consciously use body language for specific purposes, such as seduction.
Next week we are going to talk specifically about using body language to do “power poses” that increase confidence. Today, our conversation will be specific in the area of sexual attraction. Are there good postures, facial expressions and body language to increase your chances of attracting someone?
Remember that body language is not just what you express. It is also what you can perceive. Therefore, in seduction, in addition to knowing how to transmit signals, you mainly need to become more attentive to capture signals. And more than that, you genuinely need to become a more interesting person as this is how your body language will communicate with authenticity.
To seduce is to be interesting and to understand what the other person wants.
The art of seduction has two basic components that we need to understand and internalize. The first is to put attention on ourselves, to develop as a person to become more and more interesting. In order not to be incongruent, it is not enough to memorize what are the movements that you should do. You need to really transform your identity for the better and the correct body language will happen naturally.
The second thing is that you need to observe the other person, with empathy and anticipation. You have to know how to read gestures and non-verbal language. There are always clues that anticipate us if we are on the right track. The point is knowing how to detect when there is no chemistry to avoid falling into situations where you are inconvenient or even harassing or frustrating to the other person.
Seduction calls for authenticity. Few things are more attractive than meeting a person who is confident. Being naturally confident generates attention. You can also add some clever humor.
Instead of looking for body language hacks to attract someone, choose to develop yourself as a person. That is, instead of wanting to use tricks to look like an interesting person, be really an interesting person.
This is how your body language is transmitted without inconsistencies. In the order of things, first you want to work on yourself, improve your personal development… and then be authentic by transmitting this interesting version of yourself.
To attract interesting people, be a more interesting person.
There are different tricks to make body language more attractive, confident, seductive. But you must be congruent, since any inconsistency can be detected and cause the opposite effect of the desired one. For example, when a hunched and insecure man tries to puff up his chest to appear more confident, he may overdo it and gain attention for being ridiculous.
In order for you to properly calibrate the seductive body language in a natural way, you need to practice a lot. Training will help you to truly assimilate that identity that you may not have today, of being a really interesting, confident, attractive person. That’s what people mean when they say “fake it until you make it”, pretend until you get it.
I will give a quick example of this technique. Imagine that you want to be a surfer, but you still don’t know how to catch a wave. You then start pretending to be a surfer. Get a board, go to the beach, dress like a surfer, spend time with other surfers. And, especially, start to enter the sea and catch the waves. You keep this up until one day there is no more difference between you pretending to be a surfer and being a real surfer. What we call faking here is simply learning.
Likewise, you can practice pretending to be an attractive person. But in addition to this practice, there is something that is of enormous value to be done, which is to become a better person. You need to work on your personal development.
When your identity is well rounded and you become a better version of yourself, your body language will naturally reflect that new identity. You will not need to be calculating what type of body language conveys greater confidence, as you will naturally be a more confident person and whose movements only reveal who you are.
Most of the language of seduction is not verbal.
To attract someone, you don’t have to worry so much about WHAT you’re going to say. Some people argue that only a tiny part of the value of a communication is verbal. The main component of communication is body language, facial expression and tone of voice. That is, you need to be more concerned about HOW you say it. And, most of all, pay attention to the people you interact with.
For example, Vanessa Edwards says that most women usually expose their necks when they want to attract someone. When she puts her hair back, she may be signaling that she unconsciously wants the man to smell her pheromones. They also place their hand close to the suprasternal notch, in this region here between the collarbones. Another very common seductive female signal is to point the chin down, look up and blink the eyes.
On the other hand, most men generally point their feet in the direction of who they consider the most attractive woman in a group. They try to expand their body area to look bigger, either by puffing out their chest or placing their hands on their hips, for example.
All of this is body language, a way for you to communicate with your body that you are interested and also to make the other person more open and interested in knowing more about you.
Communication is a two-way street.
One of the biggest mistakes when it comes to seducing someone with these techniques is to be too focused on yourself and end up forgetting the other person. This is because most of these movements learned consciously are not happening in a natural way. You saw that if you move in a certain way it becomes more attractive and then try to force yourself to move that way to see if it works.
The problem is that focusing too much on you can end up destroying your goal of connecting with the other person. Communication is not a one-way street. It is not just the signals you are sending that matter. It is also important to observe the signals emitted by the person with whom you are interacting. And as you observe these signals and interpret them correctly, you increase the likelihood that that person will be interested in you.
Empathy is a skill poorly explored at the time of seduction.
The best way to pay less attention to what you do and start to observe more of what the other person wants is to work on your empathy. It is to understand the emotional dimension of seduction.
You need to develop your ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, see the world through that person’s eyes, feel the world through that person’s heart, listen to words through that person’s ears. You have to try hard to try to feel the emotions that the other person is probably feeling and to understand their perspective.
The real seduction happens in the emotional dimension. You will never be able to convince a person to rationally start liking you. This is a big mistake that many people who consider themselves nice people make.
They complain about how others don’t realize that they are kind, caring, dedicated, interesting, intelligent person… but that’s not how seduction happens.
Nobody keeps making a list of attributes, giving a score and then thinking “um, from the evaluation it seems that it makes sense to stop liking this person who is jerk and start liking this other person who has all the positive attributes of a good companion”.
The limbic system is related to emotions and is always alert looking for stimuli that are threatening or that can initiate sexual interest. The time it takes to evaluate another person and make a judgment about them is quick as a blink. And it happens in an unconscious, emotional way, without even being able to explain why I didn’t like someone. So when you don’t have a good feeling with a person, they may have emitted body language signals and facial microexpressions that were not positive.
If you want to interact with someone in a seduction process you first need to learn to interpret how the other person is feeling and it has to do with being present, paying attention and knowing how to empathize.
Observe the other person’s facial microexpressions.
To develop your ability to empathize, you need to observe the person and look for positive signs.
In a conversation with the other person, observe facial expressions that serve as a parameter for the subject being addressed. This means, when you are talking about a certain subject and you find the signs of happiness, then it makes sense to keep talking about that topic. Facial microexpressions almost always tell us the way forward.
Change your behavior, verbal communication and body language. Then observe the person’s reactions, in multiple cycles of seeking improvement in the interaction. When you do something that causes a negative reaction, you must realize and change your approach. If you do something that is well received, it is a sign that you are going in the right direction. You must be constantly on the lookout for these signals to improve your interaction
Some people are more auditory, others more visual and others more synesthetic. If you are not sure which is the case with the person you are relating to, it is best to cover the three possibilities. Tell how special they are, show them how special they are and act to make them feel special.
Also observe the other person’s movements.
Evaluate the proxemic communication. The distance between you and the other person may indicate interest. If the person is approaching while you speak, the conversation is fine. If the person starts to move away or cross their arms, try to change the subject or approach.
Of all the body language tips, this one is the most important one. You need to learn to touch the other person correctly. And touching correctly means understanding the kinesthetic scale, neither avoiding touch, nor exaggerating and being unpleasant. Touch is a strong weapon for generating empathy and it can help the person get used to your presence. Observe how often the other person touches you and the region of the touch. Touching a more intimate area like the neck is a much stronger signal than in other extremities, such as the hand, but all of this can vary according to the context.
Observe verbal cues to assess what words the person is using. In addition to assessing the type of informality in communication, the subject being talked about, also pay attention to the cadence and frequency. Are you talking much more than the other person? Is the other person getting involved in the conversation? Your questions are similar to a job interview and do you notice that they are getting uncomfortable?
Open-ended questions like “what”, “why”, or “how” are more interesting than questions that cause the other person to just say yes or no.
Mirroring is a sign that seduction is happening.
There are tips that you need to mirror the other person, imitating the gestures they make. This mirroring is called pacing and leading and some people consider this to be manipulative. But there is another more valuable modality, which is when mirroring happens as a result of you being in good sync.
As you interact with the other person, you enter the same vibe that is almost a mirror. It is as if you are on the same wave.
The idea that you are alike helps a lot and you keep talking about similar subjects, using the same language, the same tone, the same body language. This can take a while to happen so don’t rush.
In the communication of seduction, small details count a lot and it is possible to learn. Seduction is much more than physical beauty. Intelligence and psychology also count a lot. So it is a discipline available to everyone.
The art of seduction is much more effective when you understand that you need to become a genuinely more interesting person and know how to identify what the other person wants.
Much of this seduction is done in a non-verbal manner. Your body language represents how you feel. It is your confidence that will make your body language more interesting. You will first become a more interesting person and so your body language will naturally reveal who you are.
If you want to work this topic and become a genuinely more interesting person, I invite you to visit the Personal Development course by visiting this link.