Are you afraid of upsetting people?

Productivity Arata! Today our video format is a bit different (and I have some news for you at the end of the video). Let’s start with a little story:

There was once a man, Larry, who stopped at a bakery on his way home from work.  He bought a donut for his daughter, Lucy, who had never eaten one before.

Lucy loved it and was very happy. She said that this kind of sweet was so good that she could one eat every single day.

Larry did as she asked, and the next day he bought a donut again. And he continued to do so every day when returning from work.

How To Say No class Arata Academy

You can already guess what happened… Today we have several studies in positive psychology and neuroscience to explain something that everyone already knows intuitively:

The more you repeat an event that once brought joy, your happiness tends to decrease.

The first time eating that sweet is a delight; it is a novelty. The contrast between a life without donuts and eating the first donut is huge. We are overwhelmed by the difference. The second donut is also tasty, but it is not so surprising. The third is edging into the normal zone. Soon the experience starts to become boring.

Larry’s intention was positive: to provide the same kind of joy that his daughter had experienced the first time he brought the sweet.

Eventually came the day that Lucy was sick of it and did not want to eat another donut, but she was afraid to upset her father.


Have you ever felt like that? You do not want something, but eventually you accept because you fear hurting others?

How To Say No class Arata Academy

So what did Lucy end up doing? Because she feared telling her father that she did not like eating donuts every day, when she received every new donut, she said she was going to eat it elsewhere. In truth, she was throwing the donuts in the toilet and flushing.

Lucy was sad to waste food, but she simply did not know how to say NO. She wanted to control and protect her father’s feelings. She did not want him to feel sad.

Little did she know that every day her father was buying the donuts with some concern.

Donuts were not very costly, but they still represented an expense that the family had not incurred before.

In addition, Larry was afraid that those carbohydrates and sweets could cause health problems for his daughter later on.

But he did not know to say NO. He was afraid of disappointing his daughter.

Maybe Lucy would think that he did not love her if he decided to stop buying the donuts!

Can you identify with this kind of story? Our series here is on productivity. Where in your life are you doing things that you don’t want to because you are afraid to hurt someone? Maybe the other person would be happier if you stopped doing whatever it is—have you considered that? In what ways do you need to develop your communication, to talk openly and understand the best choices? And where you are throwing donuts in the toilet and flushing?

This story shows how difficult it can be to develop authentic relationships when we don’t know how to say what we like and dislike, what we want and do not want.

And the news I mentioned earlier? We have a brand new course called How to Say NO.

I invite you to get to know the course How To Say No.