Hello! Seiiti Arata. When you look in the mirror, do you see an ugly person? It may be an exaggeration to say that you are a completely ugly person. What is quite common is to find parts of our body that we don’t like. The skin that is not good, the nose that is big, the crooked tooth, the belly that is bulging, being too short.
The ideal would be to observe your own image with acceptance, tranquility and even pride for every detail of your own body. There are people who even say “I’m not ugly. The others don’t think I’m beautiful ”.
However, certain people can feel extremely bad because of an inappropriate, exaggerated, distorted perception. The person who thinks he is very ugly can go through great suffering. This is not just vanity, but something that can damage relationships and even a professional career. What to do when you feel ugly?
If you have the courage to face your imperfections, pause the video now and comment below which part of your body causes you the most dissatisfaction. We will use this information later to do an exercise that helps you increase your quality of life.
Ready? Did you comment with the part of your body (or maybe the whole body) that you consider ugly? First just leave a comment about what part of your body you think is ugly. And now, just for yourself, reflect: what emotion does this cause you? Rage? Boredom? Shame? Shyness? Anxiety?
After understanding your emotions we will continue.
The feeling of ugliness has increased around the world as the human brain makes comparisons with the available information.
The first thing you need to be aware of is that, before the Internet, the basis for comparisons was much smaller. You compared your level of beauty with people in your social circle and also with a few celebrities who appeared on television and magazines. Until recently, there were few television channels available, few magazines circulating.
Today social networks bring us access to the entire connected humanity. So it is obvious that you will find examples of people who are much more beautiful, especially within your standard of beauty. Today, you are being compared to the best photos of the most beautiful people on the planet and who often use touch-ups with image editing. There are studies that reveal the relationship between the amount of use of social networks full of photos and the problems of self-esteem with the body
Similarly, if I like playing music or playing a sport, for example, today I can search the Internet and find videos with the performance of the best in the world. And I don’t need to feel like a failure because I don’t have the same skill level. So it makes no sense for you to compare yourself with people whose profession is based on beauty and are paid to train the body, to make plastic surgery, to wear the fanciest clothes, makeup and accessories.
But keep calm. Maybe now you tell me that you don’t need to compare yourself with beautiful people to know that those pimples on your face make you feel ugly. What can you do then?
Examine viable solutions to keep improving.
The philosophy of Arata Academy is “Your continued improvement”. And with regard to your physical beauty, this can be applied in several ways. First, do research and evaluate to understand clearly what can and cannot be modified. I will give three examples to illustrate different levels of viability (high, medium and low).
High viability. For example, if what you wrote in the comments is something that can be modified in a viable way, then try the solutions and see how you feel. If you wrote that you don’t like your pimples, you may find a dietary change that helps. Or a different routine of cleansing and skin care. If you want to lose weight, visit the link https://arata.se/leptin on better understanding of food and hormones. These are examples considered viable because they are practical and have a low cost to experiment and also a low risk.
Average viability. However, if you have written that you don’t like the shape of your nose, well, the financial cost of implementing a cosmetic surgery solution is a bit higher. There is also a slightly higher risk, since we are talking about a surgery. So depending on your economic resources and how you feel about the risks involved, it may be feasible or not.
Low viability. In case you have told us that what bothers you is the fact that you are very short, then it will be difficult to find viable alternatives. You can wear shoes with a special sole that gives a few extra inches. You can change your hairstyle to make you look taller. It can improve your posture. There is also a painful and expensive surgery to get taller, which is not viable for the vast majority of people.
Did you understand the decision-making process? It is always necessary to understand what you want and the price you are willing to pay. About costs, there are people who spend a lot of money on makeup, run the risk of using anabolic steroids or surgery … or spend time taking hundreds of photos to get at least one photo they like.
Because of all this, the perceived ugliness has an importance that goes far beyond pure vanity and that is why it is important to take this issue seriously.
Now, watch out! It is possible that even expensive and painful surgery will not resolve. You are probably thinking of people who have had several surgeries to do touch-ups and are never satisfied. The problem in this case is not in physical and aesthetic appearance. The problem is within ourselves, in the way we see our own image.
In these cases, what the patient is asking for… is a physical modification of the body… or do they want to see themselves in a different way?
On the one hand, there is a desire for objective aesthetic change, but on the other hand, there is also a desire to change the perception of the subjective image itself.
Have the strength to change what can be changed … and serenity to accept what cannot be changed.
The main key to personal development is to be able to make conscious choices and have peace of mind. When you realize that the solution is not viable, it means that objective, visual, aesthetic, external change is not possible.
So now you can level up and work on a different dimension, looking for subjective, internal change. You need to change the way you relate to yourself and how you feel about that ugliness.
I’m not telling you to run away from reality. It is not enough just to stop looking at the sculptural bodies of magazines and social networks full of apparently perfect people. Trying to isolate yourself is very difficult and can cause other anxieties. It is better to continue to work on our personal development in terms of how we see ourselves.
If you do not do the acceptance process properly, you may experience a lot of unnecessary suffering, as in the case of people suffering from BDD – Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which was formerly known as dysmorphophobia. This disorder occurs when a small body failure causes disproportionate dissatisfaction. Feeling ugly can become an obsession and start to damage your day to day.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder – BDD impairs your quality of life because of a perception error.
BDD is an exaggerated and disproportionate concern because of a false perception of who we are. BDD is much more intense than just thinking that that part of your body is ugly. It is a disorder when you are persistently thinking about it every day, even when other people you trust say that such a defect is something normal and imperceptible.
Your life starts to be affected, because you stop participating in certain activities because of your perceived ugliness. For example, you do not want to appear in family photos because you feel ugly, or you do not want to meet friends on the beach or swimming pool because you do not want to show off your body.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder can cause so much anxiety that you are afraid of being judged and ridiculed … and when something unwanted happens in your life in general or at work, you start to believe that the reason for not being treated well is certainly because of your physical appearance.
This is the interpretation bias, which happens when you go through some negative experience and start to believe that it is exclusively because of your body. Imagine for example that I am a terrible driver and someone honks at me. In this case I keep thinking that people are rude because I’m ugly … Instead of realizing that I actually need to learn better the ability to drive well. The interpretation bias hinders my personal development.
We don’t have to go to the extreme case of BDD. Even if you are simply slightly uncomfortable about your physical appearance, it is possible to work on your perception and self-esteem. And a solution based on scientific evidence is Mirror Exposure Therapy.
Mirror Exposure Therapy is similar to a meditation process.
You can use the mirror to better manage your emotions in relation to your own body. This works very well in non-pathological cases, in most common situations where we are just a little dissatisfied with our own body. However, if you suffer from clinical depression or a serious case with a history of self-mutilation, you should obviously seek immediate help from professionals you trust.
Let’s go back to the most common examples. If, for example, you don’t like the shape of your nose, avoid wondering how good it would be for you to have a different shaped nose. It can be much better for your psychological well-being to simply accept your nose as it is, accept that there are different types of noses around the world and that there is no right or wrong shape.
I’m not saying that nobody should ever have cosmetic surgery. There are cases in which a person’s self-confidence increases greatly after undergoing viable low-risk cosmetic surgery that does not harm the person economically.
What we are talking about is that you cannot deny your perceived defects. You must not run from the truth. On the contrary, you must seek the truth by facing and observing what your body looks like. This is how you can begin the healthy process of self-assessment and understanding who you actually are.
Mirror Exposure Therapy is a type of cognitive-behavioral exposure therapy. A trained therapist guides the patient by looking in the mirror for several sessions with the ultimate goal of improving body image through habituation, of getting used to your image through a healthier look.
Are you interested in knowing more? So I’m going to comment on three interesting modalities.
You can adopt a neutral, free or a positive tone when making your comments in front of the mirror.
The first modality is neutral and I need to look at different parts of my body without making a judgment. This is done in a neutral and objective way as if you were simply describing something. It is like meditation, in which you learn to see things as they are.
And this is very difficult because it is common for me to be observing the small details that draw attention and that I would like to be different.
It is natural that you start to make your judgment, observing and telling yourself that your arm is lacking muscle, that you would like the waist to be thinner, the nose to be smaller … And when you realize that you are doing this kind of judgment, keep your cool and let the thought go. Just watch the thought come and go, without judging yourself.
For example, instead of describing your skin as “ugly”, realize that this is a judgment. You can describe it by saying that your skin has acne. This is a more neutral description. And think also from the perspective of an independent observer. If you found a loved one with skin similar to yours, what would you think? It is very likely that you will see the same skin characteristics with a gentler look and with greater acceptance.
Keep your mind in the present moment. Don’t wonder how you want to look in the future after working hard at the gym. Don’t be reminded of the past of how you were more beautiful and with skin without wrinkles in the past. Just notice how things are today, in the now.
If you don’t like to be neutral, you can also try a second approach, which is pure exposure. You look in the mirror and freely express with authenticity all the feelings you experience when you are looking at your own body. There is no need to be neutral and you can reveal what you don’t like about yourself when looking in the mirror, what are the details you don’t like about yourself that you think are ugly. This is not a pleasant process but it can help with the therapeutic process.
A third approach is a mirror exposure with a positive focus in which you focus your attention on the areas of your body that you like best. The language is positive.
This works because there is a change in your self-interpretation regarding your own body. You gain greater wisdom and awareness about who you are. This helps to reduce interpretation bias.
You can also reduce your attention bias. You start to perceive your body as a whole and not just focus solely on those parts that you don’t like about yourself. About learning to have focus control, you can visit https://arata.se/focuscourse for more details.
You can see yourself differently and reduce the filter of negativity and rejection. This is a way to recycle the way you interpret your own image so that you gain greater self-love and greater acceptance.
Bonus tip: Use the alarm clock to conduct an observation session in front of the mirror for ten minutes as part of your morning ritual or part of your evening ritual. We have several videos on forming habits and routines here on the Arata Academy channel, so please enjoy.
Personal development increases your awareness and wisdom in dealing with the challenges of perceived ugliness.
A part of your perceived defects can be improved through better nutrition, more exercise, stretching, clothes with the best fit, knowing how to do better poses when taking pictures or even cosmetic surgery in some cases.
Your wisdom and self-knowledge will be useful for you to be able to differentiate what is within your possibilities to change and what you should accept because it has no viable possibility of change. If you want to have more muscular arms, you can go to the gym. Whether you want to be taller or shorter, there is not much that can be done. And you must accept.
In order to gain greater awareness in your choices, you can now visit the link https://arata.se/personaldevelopment for access to a quick and practical training for your Personal Development.