Hello! Seiiti Arata. You want to change your life. Why? What’s bothering you? Is it that people aren’t taking you seriously? Maybe you’re unhappy in your marriage. Maybe you’re fed up with your boss being on your case all the time at work. Maybe you’re frustrated at having to sit through boring, soporific classes all day at school. Maybe you’ve run out of patience with your rebellious kids.
It doesn’t matter where the particular source of your dissatisfaction lies. What matters is your desire: you want to change your life, and fast.
1. Forget about trying to manipulate others
In your quest to change your life you’re going to come across a lot of artificial techniques for getting people to do what you want. For example: use the name of the person you’re talking to more in conversation. Look people in the eye when you’re talking to them. Smile more. Pretend to be interested in the same things as them.
It goes without saying that if you become a nicer person you’ll get more out of life. But the problem comes in when these techniques are used without any sincerity.
People can tell when you’re trying to manipulate them.
For example: Have you heard of the feedback sandwich? It’s a technique for when you need to criticise an employee. It’s called the feedback sandwich because first you praise them, then you give them your criticism – that’s the filling – and then you finish off with another bit of praise. According to the technique, this takes the edge off the criticism and stops the employee feeling upset or aggrieved. But if you’re not sincere about it, then as well as feeling upset, they’re going to get the impression you think they’re an idiot who can’t even recognise false flattery.
Imagine you go into your seven-year-old’s bedroom, determined not to start ranting and raging. You put on your best smile and start telling them how delightfully tidy the room is, and how it would be just that little bit better if only they’d make the bed as well. But even at seven years old they can tell you’re faking it. They’re perfectly aware the room is a tip and that you’re only saying all this to so they’ll tidy up. Even children know when you’re trying to manipulate them.
So give up on the idea of manipulating others. When it comes to changing your life, it just isn’t the answer.
To change any situation, you need to start with yourself.
And if you genuinely want to change yourself, you need to change the way you see the world.
2 . Cultivate your own integrity as a foundation for your relationships
Think about all the positive relationships you’ve had over the course of your life. Think about the people you truly admire. Think about the people you’d trust with your life.
It’s through these people that you’ll discover your own integrity and character. All the great things we achieve in life are the result of cooperation.
If you want to change your life, you need to know how to cooperate, work as a team, and forge positive relationships.
No matter how efficient a particular individual might be, there will be limits to what they can do alone.
The greatest things in life are the product of collaboration, and relationships based on integrity and character.
3. Change your way of thinking
The life you have today is a product of the way of thinking you’ve adopted up to now.
If you want to change it, you need to think differently.
If you want to be respected by others, you need to start respecting yourself. If you want people to trust you, you need to be a trustworthy person. If you want to be recognised, then you need to be worthy of recognition. Make yourself stand out, do something that others just don’t have the patience for
If you want to improve your marriage, then you need to change your way of thinking and become the kind of person who contributes to the relationship and fills their home with joy. If you want a child who’s less rebellious, more hardworking and better behaved, you need to become a more present, hands on, engaged parent who listens to them with genuine interest and empathy.
If you want more independence at work, and you’re sick of your boss’s micromanagement, then take responsibility for the smallest details yourself. Be a more responsible, proactive professional, who acknowledges their own mistakes.
To sum up: if you want to change your life, you need to undertake personal development.
Want to change your life? The change starts with you.
Today’s video was based on the ideas of Steven Covey, one of several authors whose work inspired our Personal Development course.
He advocates the idea of changing paradigms. A paradigm is a worldview, a frame, it’s the lens through which we view our own reality. They are the ideas, values and preconceptions which determine the way we interpret and react to the events around us, our preferences, and our priorities.
In particular, you might not know it, but whether you’re living your life according to the scarcity paradigm or the abundance paradigm will effect almost everything you do. This small difference will influence your behaviour, and therefore what you’re able to achieve.
On the Personal Development course we have practical exercises to help you change your life by switching from a perspective of scarcity to one of abundance. The change starts with you. Now visit the link https://arata.se/personaldevelopment